nigga can't go nowhere without a twilight bitch jockin' on ya.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hey

Stranger: hey

You: what’s happening

Stranger: just got back, from watching new moon!!!! :D

You: oh, you DUMB FUCKING CUNT

You: I CAN’T HAVE ONE PEACEFUL MOMENT ON OMEGLE WITHOUT SOME ACNE-FLECKED PRETEEN THROWING THEIR CAT AROUND OVER PISS MOON AND ITS FLOCK OF EMOTIONLESS ACTORS

You: IF IT RESULTS TO CRUCIO, SO BE IT

Stranger: qhat?

Stranger: what?*

Stranger: oohhh your a harry potter fan

You: i’m so glad education has broadened your horizon enough to deduce that “crucio” is undoubtedly linked to harry potter

You: and i judge that you recognized my capslock (another sign of extraordinary IQ, rest assured) and immediately gathered that i’m probably not in the best of moods, DO YOU COPY

Stranger: um

Stranger: harry is lame, compared to edward, edward could bite him, and kill his skinny white ass!!

You: are you speaking in parseltongue, you dumb bitch, because last time, i checked, the english language, did not call for such an, overabundance of, commas

You: and as for the blatant mutation on your twenty-first chromosome (that’s intelligent speak for you’re a stupid hosebag with a brain the size of an underdeveloped grape and an education that climaxed in preschool) which apparently caused you to believe that edward would miraculously escape the wrath of harry potter, or more frighteningly, lord voldemort

You: i’m forced to tell you something

Stranger: what

You: lean in real close

Stranger: ..ok, what?

You: a little closer

Stranger: say it now

You: tiny bit closer

Stranger: ok

You: FUCK YOU, YOU TRIPE LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT

You: YOU THINK JK ROWLING’S TOUR DE FORCE OF A SERIES COULD EVER COME SECOND TO MEYER’S WIMPY LITTLE PLOTLESS GARBAGE THAT MIGHT AS WELL FEATURE A HANDSOMELY BEDRAGGLED HIGHLANDER ON THE FRONT AND SHOVED IN WALMART’S “MASS MARKET” ROMANCE SECTION?

You: YOU DUMB FUCKING CUNT! I SERIOUSLY BELIEVE EVEN MILEY CYRUS HAS MORE BRAIN CELLS TO RUB TOGETHER THAN YOU AND YOUR COMMA-SPASTIC, DUMB SHIT SELF

You: GO BACK TO READING VAMP DIARIES AND WATCHING iCARLY AND DIGGING THE BURGER KING LEFTOVERS FROM BETWIXT YOUR KEYBOARD KEYS, YOU MUTANT

You: AND FOR THE RECORD, WHILE EDWARD MIGHT ATTRACT THE CHUNKY DREGS OF THE FEMALE POPULATION, HARRY DOES NOT DATE FAT LITTLE SHITS

You: (ASK ELOISE MIDGEN, BITCH)

You: SO GET OVER YOUR GAYBO INFERIORITY COMPLEX OR IT’S CINNAMON TOAST CRUCIO FOR BREAKFAST

You: NIGGA OUT

You have disconnected.

lord voldemort is not necessarily famous for knowing when to stop talking.

Connecting to server…

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: get me my god damn balogna sandwich, bitch

Stranger: who the hell do you thnk u are?

You: fucking lord voldemort

You: who the fuck is this?

Stranger: lol lily

You: oh i thought you were bellatr—

You: wait

You: lily evans?

Stranger: what?

You: i thought i killed you lol

You: seriously i remember pretty clearly that i killed your husband, slapped your bitch face out of my way, and then proceeded to molest your son, ha—

You: i mean

You: uhh

You: NOO OONE KNOOOWS WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHHHT

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

draco malfoy is not to be disturbed while mending the room of requirement's vanishing cabinet.

Connecting to server…

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: lets get together, baby, show u want i got in my sweater, baby

You: what the fuck are you babbling on about, you stupid bitch

Stranger: whoaa rude ! :[

You: i’m trying to fix this god damn vanishing cabinet and i can’t have your shit of a voice distracting me

Stranger: you whatt ?!

Stranger: :[

You: okay let me dumb this down so even those without a trace of a brain cell can comprehend

You: while you’re shouting obscene and altogether ridiculous lyrics to probable korean strangers on the most fucking retarded website ever invented, i’m painstakingly mending a god damn cabinet so my family doesn’t get brutally murdered in their fucking sleep

You: so perhaps your worries of whether your replies are in an aesthetically pleasing format or that one of your words has an extra unnecessary letter for the rest of the emo fucks teeming this place will somehow become markably inferior compared to mine

You: now fuck off, you dumb bitch

Stranger: you have anger issues

You: HOUSE OF MALFOY REPRESENT

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

i'm gonna let you finish, voldemort, but beyonce had the best omegle conversation of all time.

Connecting to server…

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: DOWN WITH KANYE! GO TAYLOR!!!

You: what is a kanye?

Stranger: kanye west?

Stranger: the rapper!!

Stranger: tah one who hurt talyor swift!!

You: still not entirely sure what you’re talking about, but i have heard of this ‘taylor swift’ wench currently spamming muggle headlines.

You: she really is one downright annoying cunt, and i was thinking of having macnair blast her to bits at one of her teenybopper, sideshow-resembling concerts, but a kanye sounds much more enticing.

You: tell me, what does one have to do to obtain a kanye west?

Stranger: hes famous how can you not know..he hurt taylor swift at the vma’s

You: this instrument wields the power to hurt even the most significant of muggles?

You: this settles it.

You: ACCIO KANYE!

Stranger: ???????????????????????

You: what the—

You: WHAT IS THIS THING?

You: why does it sing so oddly?

You: i fear i have accidentally activated its power upon myself!

You: it has begun to repeat the same awful lyrics in a heavily computerized voice!

You: thank god i am impervious to death.

You: BY GOD THE WEAPON HAS NOW ADORNED RIDICULOUSLY-SHAPED SUNGLASSES THAT REFLECT ALL UNFORGIVABLE CURSES!

You: CALL DOLOHOV! TELL HIM I HAVE AN INCREDIBLY EFFEMINATE BROWN MAN WITH CROP CIRCLES EMBEDDED INTO ITS HAIR AND THAT ITS SONG IS ENOUGH TO DEFEAT THE ENTIRE OPPOSITION AT ONCE!

Stranger: omg.„

You: oh

You: also, tell him to bring ear plugs

You: if i have to listen to one more “how could you be so heartless” i’m feeding it to nagini

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

careful, harry. some rooms in the department of mysteries are far worse than others.

Connecting to server…

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hello

You: no time to talk now!

You: i’m on the run from death eaters

You: i had no idea they had an Omegle Room here at the Department of Mysteries

You: then again, anything’s better than being attacked by tentacles in the Brain R—

Stranger: what?

You: HOLY SHIT I’M BEING ATTACKED

You: I THOUGHT THIS ROOM WAS SAFE!

Stranger: by who!?

You: THE BLINDING IGNORANCE OF OMEGLIANS IN GENERAL

You: IT’S TAKING OVER MY BRAIN

You: I CAN’T STOP IT

You: CAL 4 HELP

You: ths feels like reeding flowers 4 algernon

You: m getting stupider by the sekond

Stranger: what the/..

Stranger: oh god

Stranger: hello?

You: howdy! my name’s miley cyrus!

You: i love jesus!

Stranger: AHHHHH

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

sometimes hacking into other people's facebooks can lead to unwanted information, harry potter.

Connecting to server…

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey

You: sup

Stranger: watcha doin?

You: not much. just hacked into severus snape’s facebook and changing all his statuses to something embarrassing.

Stranger: lol snape!!

You: yeah, my gaybo potions teacher

Stranger: lmao!

Stranger: watcha changin his statuses to?

You: i just took a bunch of preexisting statuses and tweaked them a bit. let me copy and paste.

You: “Just reprimanded Potter and his primate tagalong, Ronald Weasley, for flying a car into the Shrieking Shack. Little did they know I once blew Quirrel in the back seat. Mmm, the taste of Arabia!”

You: “Unworthy Potter has been named a Triwizard Champion; no doubt the work of his Jewy-looking equal, Hermione Grangegold, as Potter has neither the brain capacity nor the talent to even accomplish daily tasks. FYI I’m only saying this because Potter’s penis is the size of a meter stick and mine resembles a shriveled and underfed Pygmy Puff.”

You: “The Polyjuice Potion has finally reached completion. I have retrieved Cho Chang’s hair and will finally get to grope Harry Potter under the mistletoe at long last.”

Stranger: lol that last one

You: wait

You: i didn’t write that last one…?

Stranger:

You: i…

You: oh god

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

vitally important questions from the omegleshit staff.

What’s your favorite spell and why?

check your address bar, voldemort.

Connecting to server…

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: heya

You: wormtail just made me a delicious nutmeg latte

You: killed cedric diggory today

You: tried enzyte, did not work

You: bellatrix might be pregnant, someone else kill it because the last time i cursed an infant my soul was ripped to pieces

You: wish i had a nose

Stranger: …WTF?!?!

Stranger: what are u talking about!!

You: this isn’t twitter?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

ah, the smell of self-righteous hipster douchebags in the great hall!

Connecting to server…

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey

You: is that a ‘weird sisters’ shirt? wow.

You: they’re so mainstream now.

You: i liked them way before they were popular.

Stranger: what the..

You: oh look, an ironic picture of me holding my hand to my face with a mustache drawn on my finger

Your conversational partner has disconnected.


lord voldemort does not enjoy charmanders and he wouldn't think twice about killing a squirtle.

Connecting to server…

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey

You: omg did you see lucius at the party last night?

You: fucker got raving drunk and professed his undying love to me LOL

Stranger: lucius?

You: yeah, lucius malfoy

You: blonde hair, sounds like a snake when he talks

You: generally looks like a complete gaylord

Stranger: o_O

You: use words, fagmo, you’re not a fucking pikachu

Stranger: forgive me >_>

You: you are forgiven

You: lol jk, crucio

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

who knew omeglians were so witty? dean thomas definitely didn't.

Connecting to server…

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hey

Stranger: hey

You: what’s your name?

Stranger: jack

Stranger: you?

You: dean thomas

Stranger: lol like from harry potter?

You: yeah! you’ve seen me?

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: well

Stranger: sort of

Stranger: you kinda blended into the ceiling of the great hall

You: but the ceiling reflects the night sky?

You:

You: fuck you.

You have disconnected.

voldemort = DLILF.

Connecting to server…

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: heyyy!

You: hey

You: i have a question

Stranger: go on…

You: say, like hypothetically

You: that i’m the greatest dark lord ever to rule the earth and rape the innocent and blah blah blah

You: but then some hobag infant accidentally strips me of my powers

You: so for a few years i’m this soulless being feeding off unicorns

You: and then i regain my powers, but i’m lying low before i return to full awesomeness again

Stranger: omg,…. its…

Stranger: he who must not be named!!!!

You: see, that’s the thing

You: i don’t want to be called “he who must not be named” anymore

You: like voldemort is such a pansy bitch name, you know?

You: i want to reinvent myself with a new name

You: something that screams DLILF

Stranger: DLILF?

You: yeah

You: Dark Lord I’d Like to Fuck

Your conversational partner has disconnected.